Hell, I almost wish that was the case. For the slow ones out there, I am currently staying in a wretched little country called Japan. You may have heard of it. Raw fish, Cartoon Porno, Tom Cruise, ring any bells? We bombed the shit out of them way back in nineteen fourty-something. Don't feel bad, they were being kind of a bitch, and we showed them. All jokes aside, Japan is a fun little country and I came here with huge expectations. Before I left I was assured by certain 'experts' that my American Passport and the pickup line 'hey.. can you speak English?' would be all I need to conjure up swarms of male lackeys and female fans. -SO- not true. I've worn my freakin passport around my neck while waving around a picture of the fucking stars and stripes, and not ONE bitch has come up to me screaming 'OMG OMGOMG AMARIKA JIN DESUKA?? AUHHHGHHGHH!!!! CHING CHING TOUCHY TOUCHY KUDASAI ONEGAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEH!!!'. Just doesn't happen. Fucking liars. Also, I had some queer notion that somehow I would pick up the Japanese language through osmosis simply by calling myself a Japanese Citezen (which I officially am btw, dual citezenship baby!). Two weeks in and I still order food at restaurants by pointing at pictures and giving puppy dog eyes. Hey, if it works, it works.. But I admit it's a tad frustrating. Of course I understand that realistically two weeks is not a very long time and nobody could expect to be fluent in a foreign language so quickly, but I didn't expect the reality of the situation to be such an incredible kick in the liver.
And the walking. Jesus Christ, I think I've walked more in two weeks than my entire 19 years in sunny So-Cal. I mean, taking the train and all the other forms of public transportation provided for the average Japanese citezen was a cute novelty and all, but that that shit became old faster than Elijah Woods' acting career after his lil LotR shindig.
I realize I'm starting to sound like a whiny baby that doesn't appreciate the wonderful opportunity he has been presented with and blah blah blah.. Actually, there are a few good things about Japan.
uh..
oh!
The vending machines carry Lucky Strike Lights. An 'American Original', yekno, yet you can't find them in any of the local corner stores I've been around back home unless we're talking about those gritty unfiltered badboys. Lung Cancer is nice and all but I dont need it in the next 6 months, thanks. Here in Japan they got them (the filtered variant) on every 10 feet, for 320￥ (roughly 3 dollars) a pack, no less. Plus a plethora of other domestic and foreign brands for ones smoking pleasure. And I don't even have to bust out the puppy dog eyes.
That single fact right there just might make this whole Japan nightmare worth it. Just maybe.
Cheers~
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